The adjourning love season

Living in this tiny little world is what we have to do as
committing a suicide is just seen sinful, disgrace …just because it was
perceived so by the majority… is it wrong? Will God shine it’s mercy or will it
be banishment? To me living is.. merely… another pieces of everlasting
dreams…… although it hurt sometimes, faith is my only
salvation.

Salvation is what I need now, there was once when I told
my best friend to be patience and have more faith, perhaps right now, I will be
the one enduring this test of faith, faith is one of the Pandora box savages
that are consuming the mental of a person. Faith can be cruel, can be beautiful,
but what matters is to have a companion that share the same faith, the same
weight, the same burden. I still could remember the night when she told me that
“living is not that bad, let me share my happiness with you and let me feel your
sadness too, it will help me to help you” just like the thundering lightning,
those words struck my heart and calms my soul. For once, I felt hope and a
companion who understand me..

Despair is just like the month of
September, the prologue of winter cold dreams. Through despair, it makes me
realize that hope is not that bad, it just gives you dreams, dreams that are
delusional yet it can be real, some call it magic, some call it illusion, but
what matter most is, it fuel our soul with desire, desire to erase despair in
ones heart. I have felt despair in the younger days, but all my life, what I
seek, what I learn was only the meaning of this delusional chapter of my life.
As I walked down the isle of despair, the moment of truth is approaching, will
you come and take my hand and lead my way…

When I wake up from my
dreams, the symphony of life is humming in my mind, beautiful as words can
describe, I still could see you sleeping next to me, hearing your heart beat and
the feeling of warmth on my chest, when I close my eyes, it seems that it is
just perfect, it seems almost impossible. It’s just another dream of dreams that
was projected in these figments of my imagination. Suffocating under the words
of sorrow at the moment I woke up from the slumber, she is no longer there
sleeping by my side only this cold sheets that warping me with tiny bits of
warmth, as my frozen tears crashed around me, my heart burst into pieces. The
feeling of hollow was upon me, as she left taking my only hope, my heart. Will
you be there to paint my happiness, will you be the meaning of life, and will
you be the one to warm my heart?......it seem that, I will have to mend my own
heart with this frozen thread of tears…that crashed around
me

Sunday 15, June 2008… adjourning these fragments of my dreams
with an eternity siesta………

L’Amour January 2006 – June
2008