My Naive thoughts...

I always believe that you will be there for me,
in every steps that i am about to take,

I always believe that you are made for me,
even though time will end my life,

I always want you to know for me ,
you are the one that i loved before,

sigh..

Am i naive?

sigh..

Am i immature?

maybe..
yes, maybe i am naive
yes, maybe i am immature

maybe...
..
.

My niece

This post is dedicated to my niece who was just born last week on the 04/04/2009.
To Ethan, I hope that you will grow up and be someone big someday!

Ethan Herry (04/04/2009)

love from your big brother Eko.

It is freaking hot out here...

Well living in a town that are located directly in the middle of equator is killing me. The weather is always hot especially 12 o`clock when the heat is at its peak. Not only that, sometime the weather is kinda crazy cause it can rain heavily in the hot afternoon. Well this is today weather forecast of my hometown, it is stated there that it is only 32 degree Celsius however, believe me...it feels like sauna here...HOT...HOT....HOT.....FUCKING HOT!!

Just for you...

To everyone out there, I am sure that each and everyone of you have certain someone that you adore or someone you love in secret. I understand how hard it is sometime to voice out our thought and let it be heard by that someone. We will be just someone who is watching them from the backstage. Sometime the sad case is that, that person did not even notice us.

To me, this special person of mine...is very far from me, I could not see what she is doing right now..however...I owes miss her..and it seems that whenever i think of how perfect is she...it owes motive me for the day. I just wish that, I have been more brave...then...I will be able to let her know...well this post will be dedicated to her....this just the reflection of how i feel all this while...

I begin my day by praying for your well being..
wishing that you will be happy and healthy always..
just before you totally forget me..
just before you totally left me...
I never wish for you to miss me in this this petty situation i am in now..
I only wanted whenever or wherever you saw me, in your heart you will always say that...
this is the guy that have a crush on me...
this is the guy that love me...
Maybe you never know how much I admire you
Maybe you never know how much I respect you
Because by missing you everyday..
I am able to live my life to the fullest..
With that..
I will be missing you...
I will be admiring you....
I know that it is not today..
I am sure the day will come...
soon...

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xxx

Listen to me!

Can you just listen to me just this one...
Cause i will say this once...
You always think that you owes right and I am wrong
I really do not know what you always wanted...
Love is not about words and lusts...
I am sure all this while you never understand...
Can you listen to me...I am talking....not asking...
It ends here...

mumble 0 mumble

The odd has finally reveal itself to me! Since young i owes thought that working and earning money was cool since if i have money i can buy anything but the truth owes seems to be the other way. At first thought...when i was still in secondary...i can not wait for the time for me to go to the university. I always want to grow up...come to think about it...that is what kids think about when they were young and i am one of them...

Now that I am working and managing a company...i began to see and reflect back the time when I used to go wild and crazy with my friends. There are many things that i have to sacrifice....which in a way make me realize being young is just once in a lifetime.....

When i was still studying, most of the time i spent in high school was day dreaming...and when high school over...university comes to life.....and hell begin. Well I admit that i used to be wild...i can party with my friend 24/7 and that time...I really have no worries in life...that is the way I used to escape from things that I dont like. Now that it is over....

I guess that the working environment has makes me more mature....it is totally different from how i used to be when i was still studying at Swinburne or Lodge.... With most of my days are either spent in the office or visit site (oil palm estate), the funny thing is that I stop smoking and drinking for almost 5 months already....(i didnt say i quit oh!!) however this is a big improvement for me......lets hope that this will last...

Another thing that i found out was that working environment teaches me to break the rule...and now i understand what it meant by rules are meant to be broken...well basically never follow 100% what the book says...like we used to do when we are still in university...lol...in conclusion...go easy with life...go with the flow....

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My imperfect story

If only you are still there standing beside me
I always want to let you know how much i care for you
If i could turn back the time
I will not take my attention away from you even for one second
All my life you are the one that could reach deep into my heart
All my life you are the one that could be inside the room in my heart

the beautiful time with you makes me so captivated
Actually, I hope that I can have you forever
My heart crush accompanying my sadness when losing you
Really I cant redeem the pain in my heart to let go of you
wish i could convince myself that the love is not over
but fate has written the end of our destiny

I do not have the big heart to understand your heart
I do not have the understanding to realize that you are not mine

this story that are not perfect will not be remember
I suppose I am able to let go this fragments of memories
I suppose I am able to walk through every second of my life without looking back

listen to me...
I will always....always....remember
I am sorry for being imperfect
It is over...

Square one!

2009 is here and my blog is still not even updated! sigh....i guess this blog is gonna disappear one day...lol lets hope that it is not happening. Alrite..since i am back(for the moment)...lets cont with the post..

Hmm.....to be exact, it was a few days ago while i am at Kuching accompanying my grandma for hes medical check-up. The thoughts bubbled up in my mind while i was sitting in the hotel executive lounge on the 17th floor thinking about my company. At that point of time i was really stress-out with coping up with the management system in the company. It was really hectic since this company of mine is transforming from mamak stalls management to adopting a more professional management system that recognise by international corporative management standards. The purpose of this transformation was due to the strict credit term (refinancing of loans and leasing) from the bank, with the dec 2008 American bank crisis it seems that all the banks in the world are getting its effects now. Well that is a portion of the problem that i am scooping up right now and there are more internal problem to be fixed as I am running the company in the future.

Anyways...it came up to me the question of what is the use of getting a degree? Since i am a semester away from graduation, I tried to be more productive by helping the family business and up to this point i see that the pursue of degree is just a trend, a perspectives in the society, one rule in the society that we need to follow. However, have you ever really think about those who are successful are those who are so called risk taker and mostly they are the one that working behind the scene manipulating the play earning the big catch and also suprisingly majority are school drop-out. What i am trying to say here is a degree does not teaches you to be a risk taker but to be a more productive person and most of the degree programs offered by the university just prepares you to be more intellectual and getting you ready for job interview, whether or not you nail the interview is up to your own confident and charisma ...so...should i finish my studies??

Well i guess i should finish my studies since i made a promise with my friends that i will be back to finish up what i started.

From what i have learn so far from my business degree courses, i felt very cheated as i find it that most of the studies material can be self learned at home and from working experiences...the books are available at any book store. Just imagine how much does the university charges for their tuisyen fee??? and upon graduation we just get a certificate stating that we graduate and earn the degree..go for the convocation ceremony and haha there we go posing for the picture.....by the end of the day when we go to work...we are back to square one...learning and doing it from the basic again...

Funny aint it?? so why need to study leh? hmm...

after exam bash...

It is always feels good after a long and stressful exam, who does not feel good after exam?? rite? oh well, for me i just can't wait for the fun that has been planned out before i going back to Indonesia. Actually i am planning to go to pod wave with "ping sen, justin, chew, hao, vian, and stef" right after my last paper on the 3rd but well, shit happen... my last paper finish at 4.30pm and the 1st plan was cancel obviously and now they are at singapore, i couldnot contact them but i will make it up with them before i am going back this friday. (can't wait ...... party party...)

The second party was on the 4th the day after the exam, basically i wan booked by weesing on teusday night telling me to go to "Bar ZING" for a fun after the exam. It was fun and i guess things will stay the same even if i go back for a year...one things i realise is that, my time here is fun, hilarious because i have friend like them... as you can see, AH Q and AARON (they owes take on each other for drinking competition but they are always end up even..they might looked serious challenging each other at 1st but in the ned you can see that the two of them KO and thier face was happy lol), AH BOO for instance like to make the two of them get wasted by always asking them to drink and drink (basically me, and weesing and fredrick owes go in-turn servicing them to drink....lol) That nite, i was so suprise and to KIM HU...omg after come back from melbourne...she still look the same perhaps the only different is that she more preeitier and i hope she and fred will be happy together... as for siao pai, jeremy, and gangz....you guys were high and crazy that nite...well basically we all have fun that nite...thanks guys...you are the best...i hope that we can sit down and drink again....till next time buddy...

The 3party was the 5th, it was to spend a night at santubong with doris, mayi + frens, sharon + frens + james. For this 3rd party, i was kinda earoplane them abit coz in the morning i have to folo my wilson to lundu for work related stuff and we came back about 9 pm at night and quickly we rush up to Santubong resort around 12.30am...so we reacg there about 1.15 am..it was a crazy trip...i didnt sleep the whole night as i have to keep drinking with my frens...lol sharon was very very high as she keep asking me to shotgun the beer with me...lol...well i have my training already..so many to finish up my drinks...By the time i get a little bit tipsy, James gf mixed some green label into my drink...well it taste weird...but gulp it down in one mouth....cause it taste horibble...When my vision was a little bit blurry, wilson and doris teach me how to play "MAMACHI" it is some kind of mahjong but we have to line up the figure...well kinda hard to explain...well wad suprises me was it took me 5 minutes to actually know how to play the game....it was another crazy night without sleep...lol but i am happy....

basically that what i have been doing so far before i am going back to indonesia....i'll update the picture when i got the time....
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wish i have more courage...

Sometime..in life we ought to make decisions. As we made up our mind it is better not to look back as we'll regret. A friend once told me that, there is no regrets in life only lessons to be learned. Well come to think about it, it is true that if you have regrets then you will learned a valuable lessons in life. Right now, I am filled with regrets as i beginning to see that the long voyage is coming to its end and i have to move on with new journey in my life. This is the problem that i am facing now, i wish i have more courage to move forward.......

I hope that before I go back to my home town, i have time to say proper good bye to my all my friends in Kuching however there is one person that i am want to meet for the last time before I go, but she is just.....

After putting some thought about it....I will gather my courage to make the first step forward.